toddadam's Xanga

(ONE OF) THE BEST SHOW(S) THAT YOU'RE NOT WATCHING

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:25:12 GMT

If you have Comedy Central, I command you to stay up absurdly late to view the 11 minutes of brilliance that is Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil. Or you can just go to YouTube and watch it there. Here is one of my favorite episodes:

THINGS THAT ANNOY ME (TODAY)

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 07:06:21 GMT

Pam Shriver & Mary Jo Fernandez's obsession with Ana Ivanovic's squeaky shoes at the Australian Open. I'm sure it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the contact of sneakers on a synthetic surface.

The Heath Ledger death media circus. He's dead, leave him alone. Do we need to know about the phone calls to Mary-Kate and/or Ashley Olsen?

The promos for CBS Evening News with Katie Couric's in-depth report on teen pregnancy and how "Hollywood is to blame." I'm sure the Bush Administration's abstinence only policy has absolutely nothing to do with it.

CHILDREN ARE EVIL AND THEY MUST BE STOPPED

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 02:53:57 GMT

Or perhaps they should be taken away from parents who teach them to say things like those in this video. If this isn't the textbook definiteion of abusing your child, then I don't know what is.

BLACK FRIDAY

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 08:36:07 GMT

So it's my favorite holiday this Thursday, Thanksgiving, which of course is followed by women's (and let's face it, gay men's) Super Bowl, Black Friday. For those of you who don't know, Black Friday is so named because the day after Thanksgiving is the traditional day when the Pilgrims went shopping and the Blacksmith made all his money.

I'm starting to think it's called Black Friday because of how early the sales start at more and more stores. Just today I saw a major retailer advertising their opening time for the day after Thanksgiving at 4 a.m.; it's still dark, or "black" outside at 4 a.m. Get it?

Seriously, is this necessary? Don't get me wrong, my favorite "news" videos are of rabid shoppers lined up like they're going to run the 100-meter dash to get the one Furby at the local toy store, and then someone trips and falls and gets trampled by the 400-pound soccer moms, desperate to get little Jimmy his favorite new toy that he's going to love forever...or at least for five solid minutes.

It's pure comedy. Well, not for the one who falls, but for the rest of us it's amazing. If she starts crying about how crazy those people who trampled her are, it's even better because what are the holidays all about if not for criticizing the very event in which we were poised to participate, but then failed miserably in front of millions of horrified, yet entertained viewers?

Just to be safe, I'm going to start lining up now to make sure I get a good seat so I can watch as it happens live. Gobble, gobble, y'all!

BEWARE THE WOOD CHIPPER

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 01:30:33 GMT

I didn't know what to expect when I clicked on a story about a man dying in a "bizarre wood chipper accident" here in southern California. Suffice to say the title of the story was not at all misleading, but rather the whole event was a bit disturbing and reminiscent of an infamous scene from the movie Fargo. Fortunately, there are no pictures.

DIANNE FEINSTEIN IS A WRETCHED BITCH

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:08:43 GMT

Unsurprising to me, but obviously not to others, Dianne Feinstein has once again shown her true colors by advancing one of President Bush's controversial conservative appointments to the federal bench. Anti-gay, anti-black Leslie Southwick now sits one level beneath the U.S. Supreme Court on the Fifth Circuit Appeals Court, serving Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas.

Feinstein notoriously defies the Democratic party, especially when it comes to gay issues, and I personally find her to be a withered old bitch, undeserving of a U.S. Senate seat, at least not as a Democrat. She's as much a Dem as is Joe Lieberman, and we all know that crazy story.

NO, I'M NOT BITTER

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 19:57:54 GMT

Some dippy child, being, well, her child-like self, falls down a hole and is rewarded with $1 million?! As Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers would say, "Seriously?!?" Wasn't being rescued reward enough? What about all those countless hours that the rest of the world will never get back due to the unprecedented media coverage for such an insignificant event?

Of course what no one wants to talk about is the reason that little Jessica wound up in that hole in the first place is because her mother left her out in the yard unsupervised. Can anyone say negligence? I suspect if the story were spun differently, Jessica would have wound up being taken away from her family and in foster care.

WHAT'S NEXT?

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:36:46 GMT

I heard this bizarre report on my local news station last week about a brain-eating amoeba. Yes, it sounded like something out of a science fiction film, and I figured it was just another story to scare people. Turns out that it's true and a pretty grisly way to die, but only 24 cases have been reported this year, which means like a woman getting married over 40, you have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than having your brain eaten by an amoeba...but steer clear of warm, freshwater bodies of water just to be safe.

JOB HUNTING IS DANGEROUS

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:46:49 GMT

En route to an interview, I encountered some hooligans and had to rough them up, which resulted in my hand looking like this:

Ok not really, but if you think my knuckles look bad, you should see the curb! Oh, who am I kidding? I shrieked and ran away crying.

THOSE WACKY JAPANESE

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 16:18:54 GMT

The Japanese sure know how to have a good time. A friend of mine just turned me on to YouTube clips from some Japanese prank shows, and I had no idea how funny they would turn out to be!

I can only imagine what would happen if anyone tried to do this in the United States. Can you say "litigation?"